Where are you on your own list of priorities?
Where do you land on your own list of priorities?
I was so excited to have another baby that I truly forgot how life consuming it can be. Not to mention the fact that I already have Nolan- my active, curious, talkative, hate-to-say-it but really needy toddler. I sometimes have to ask myself what I expected. Did I think he was magically going to need me less? That he was going to start putting himself down for his nap right at 1:30pm, reminding me when it was time for him to eat a healthy snack, and stop having meltdowns when he was over-tired or needed attention from Mom and Dad? Was I honest with myself about the fact that Graham and I would no longer be putting Nolan to bed together each night, but would suddenly be pulled in two directions- he would get to read books and sing songs, and I would be in bed nursing for the 10th (wait, maybe 12th) time today? Did I realize that my heart would be split down the middle and I would feel really guilty for the child that didn’t have my undivided attention? Would one child ever get to have my undivided attention? Wait, would I ever get to have my own undivided attention again?
It’s a beautiful life. These are “problems” that people dream of having. This is exactly the life I pictured- and wanted- but baby number two hit me like a ton of bricks. Without even realizing it, I have been walking through a constant fog feeling like a mere shell of myself. Of course I knew that it would be challenging, that my hands would always be full, and my house would always be a mess. Of course I knew that my list of priorities was going to grow, and change, and life would forever be different. I do however, always seem to forget that it takes work to feel strong, and healthy, and “well.” That if you don’t prioritize your own wellbeing, no one else is going to do it for you. I don’t mean prioritizing weight loss and “bouncing back” to my pre-baby self. That is another whole topic all together. I mean, simply prioritizing my basic needs to feel well so that I can continue to show up each and every day for the people who need me to be my best.
So I’ll ask it again. Where do you land on your own list of priorities? Do you remember to stand up and stretch during your long day of work? Do you actually drink enough water, and do it consistently, throughout the day? When things feel tough, do you find a quiet room to yourself, just to breathe and remind yourself it’s okay not to be okay? Do you follow through with your goals to exercise? Because setting the goal, and carving out the time to actually do it are two totally different things.
I recently decided that I wanted to be higher up on my own list of priorities. I don’t need to be first all the time, but I would like graduate from that last hour of the day- somewhere between when everyone else is in bed, the dishes are done, and I finally settle into bed myself. I’d like to have a small chunk of time each day dedicated to me, where I can say “please leave me alone- this is my time to take care of myself today.” Right now that looks like waking up an hour before the rest of the house. Agreeing with Graham, that if and when the kids wake up he can manage by himself for half an hour so that I can escape to the one room in the house no one else needs. Lately I use this time to do a little meditation* and some exercise, because I realized I don’t feel good without these things. This is also when I take the time to ask myself what comes next. Do I need to focus on drinking enough water immediately, or will I eat something other than a bar for breakfast this morning? Because I know that I can’t always have it all, but I can pick a couple of things to add to the top of my list of priorities each day. Day to day, my priorities will change, but the need to create space to make sure I am on my own list of priorities will never go away.
If you don’t prioritize yourself, there is a good chance no one is going to do it for you (unless you have a postpartum doula, we will always make you our priority). Realize that you might not be able to reach every single personal goal each day- whether it’s cooking, cleaning, reading or more exercise- but if you do create a little bit of space for yourself every day, you can prioritize at least one thing that will contribute to a long-term healthier, happier you.
Are you having trouble finding time for yourself or realizing what you need in the time you have set aside? This is something a postpartum doula can help with! We are not just there to take care of baby- in fact, in most cases mom comes first. Your postpartum doula can help you determine what you need in any given moment, and can be the extra set of hands required to make that happen. You can find out more about my postpartum doula services here.
*Moms, I highly recommend the Expectful meditation app for pregnancy, postpartum, and motherhood guided meditations. This app helped me so much with pregnancy anxiety, and relaxation before birth.